


And This Is Why You Don’t Mess With Jon Stewart

by queenfanfiction



Series: fakenews_fanfic open thread fills [9]
Category: Pundit RPF (US)
Genre: FNFF OT, Gen, comment!fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-10-06
Updated: 2010-10-06
Packaged: 2017-10-12 11:25:20
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 262
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/124350
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/queenfanfiction/pseuds/queenfanfiction
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Rick learns not to mess with Jon Stewart the hard way.</p>
            </blockquote>





	And This Is Why You Don’t Mess With Jon Stewart

**Author's Note:**

> Written for the OpenThread at LJ's fakenews_fanfic. Inspired by Rick Sanchez' ["Bigot-gate"](http://www.cbsnews.com/8301-503544_162-20018334-503544.html) that got him offed by CNN. So long, Ricky! We'll (kinda/not really) miss you! <3

When Rick comes to, it's dark and he's sitting in a chair in either a very small room or a very big closet and his hands are bound behind him (not in the kinky way, either—it's too tight and the ropes chafe). What's worse, he doesn't remember how he got this way.

"Uh, hello?" Rick calls into the darkness, his voice squeaking from disuse. He clears his throat. "Anyone there? Someone?"

There is a scuffling noise, and then a door opens just inches from Rick's face. The light outside of his prison blinds him, but he can just make out the silhouette of a man—

—wait, was that a cattle prod in his hands?

"Oh, good," says the figure in a voice Rick's half-foggy brain thinks he should recognize. "You're up. That means we can get started."

"Get—started? Wha?" Rick tries to back away as the figure slowly approaches, then yelps as his head makes painful contact with the concrete wall behind him. "Who are you? What do you want from me?!"

"What do I want? I want you to know that NO ONE cuts my friends except me, got it?" The cattle prod crackles menacingly. "Who am I? You should know that by now, Rick Sanchez. I AM AMERICA, THAT'S WHO!"

This last is bellowed in Rick's face as the man pushes himself into Rick's space, their noses almost touching. That's when Rick gets his first clear look at his jailer...

"Holy _shit_ ," he says, with feeling.

"That's right," Stephen Colbert hisses back. "I am your _worst_ fucking nightmare."


End file.
